September 15, 2022 – I was 19 weeks pregnant with my first child, and it started off just like any
other morning. I woke up, got dressed, and headed off to work. I felt perfectly fine, a little tired,
but that was normal for being pregnant. I arrived at work, clocked in at 08:00am and by 9:00 I
decided that I was hungry and could use a decaf coffee from the Café downstairs. I was in line,
and I noticed a pain in my back that was unfamiliar. I figured that back pain would soon become
my best friend, and so I shrugged it off. I went upstairs to resume my day, and by 10:00, the
pain had become enough that I needed to lay down. I crawled under my desk (yes – under my
cubicle desk, surrounded by coworkers) and waited to see if taking the stress off my hips and
lower back would help. I just needed 10 minutes.
A little time passed, and the pain was worsening minute by minute, until I decided that I needed
to call my OB just to see what would be considered “normal back pain” and see if I was just
being dramatic. I left a voicemail, then called my boss and let her know that I was going home
because the pain at this point was so severe that I couldn’t focus on anything other than it, and
doing math for a living – it was probably in everyone’s best interest that I wasn’t working. I was
on my drive home when my OB called, and said I should head to the ER because based on the
location of the pain (my lower right back/hip) that it could be a ruptured appendix or kidney
stones, that would need to be taken care of immediately. I turned around, since I was going the
opposite direction from my hospital, and drove to the ER. I called my momma, and she met me
there.
I checked into the ER and I’m waiting and waiting for what felt like hours to be taken to a room.
By this point, the pain is so severe I couldn’t stand up straight. ER’s aren’t equipped to handle
pregnancies, but because this wasn’t pregnancy related (to anyone’s knowledge at the time) I
was stuck in the waiting room waiting for a room. I get to a room, and I’m in so much pain that
I’m now vomiting, sweating, and starting to panic. You couldn’t have convinced me that
something wasn’t going wrong with my pregnancy.
What felt like hours later, an ultrasound was done of my kidney, and they told me that there was
a fluid back up in my kidney, and that my uterus had near completely pinched my ureter shut,
meaning that no fluid was passing from my kidney to my bladder. My right kidney wasn’t
functioning. The only option I had was to get a nephrostomy tube placed in my back, that I
would keep until after I delivered my baby at the end of January.
I was given medication to help with the pain while they scheduled me to have this nephrostomy
tube placed. This procedure would end up being a conscious sedation the following day. Yep.
Awake, pregnant, and having surgery.
The time finally came, and my best friend went back with me to the pre-op room where I did
everything in my power to keep it together. I was doing what I had to do to save myself, and my
child. They took me back, and even though I had conscious sedation, I still vividly remember the
nurse holding my hand, telling me it was going to be ok. I don’t know if it was the drugs, the
hormones, or my complete surrender to God to take control, but I was crying and saturating the
sheet below me. The nurse asked me if I felt anything pain wise, thinking that was why I was
crying – and when I shook my head no, she squeezed my hand and told me that she knew this
was hard, but that I would get through it. I will never forget the exact words she said,

“Remember who you are doing this for”. I would go on to write that on my mirror right beside my
favorite ultrasound photo.
Once I was taken to post-op, I looked at my best friend Sabrina and put my hands over my face.
She was confused, and I expressed to her that I knew I was delusional. I was very aware of
where I was and what was happening, but I wanted to ask her where the blue alligators were. I
was beyond embarrassed, because I knew that was irrational, but I couldn’t get the thought out
of my head. Where are the blue alligators?
The next few days, doctors of all specialties would flow in and out of my room, asking questions,
checking my stats, etc. When my urologist came in, I had so many questions. How do I change
the dressing? How do I shower? How do I sleep? How do I carry it around? How do I drain it?
Does it need changed out? Was this the tube I would have for the remainder of my pregnancy?
How does this work? His answers were short and to the point – I could tell he was eager to
leave. Most every question, he told me to Youtube it. He wasn’t sure. Most people just use the
Velcro strap strapped around their leg. Ok – well how do I get it under my pants like that? Just
wear it over. The last thing I wanted was the world to see a bag full of my pee strapped to my
leg. My most important question. HOW DO I PUT ON PANTS? All maternity clothes have an
extremely high waist to cover the belly, and this tube was low enough to make that impossible.
He didn’t have an answer.
My aunt was determined to find a solution, so to the internet she went. On Etsy, there was a
lady who made carrying cases for nephrostomy bags, and we ordered a few. In the meantime, I
took some of my maternity leggings to the alterations store, and had them measure and cut
holes in the back of all my pants, that I could feed the tube through that would allow it to remain
gravity facing, while allowing me to wear pants. I was using binder clips to attach the bag to my
waist line, and circle rings to attach it to my belt loop. All great ideas, until the bag was full,
heavy, and would fall off onto the ground, pulling on the tube that was inside my body attached
to my organ. Once my cases arrived, a huge burden was taken off my shoulders. I could clip the
case around my waist, and the nephrostomy bag went inside, hiding my urine from public eyes.
No, it didn’t completely hide my new external kidney, but at least the world wasn’t looking at my
pee. My case had sunflowers on it, and my aunt named her Penelope – because she held my
pee.
The Penelope Project is my way of helping women who may be going through a similar situation
by taking some of the stress off right from the start. To build a community of women who
understand, who went through this same thing, and who help each other navigate this new
journey. My goal is to bring awareness to all of the hiccups and trials that I faced on this journey,
in hopes that other women can have more information, and be better prepared.